you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize