maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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