I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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