I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
