I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
