ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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