My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
