Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
