i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize