He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
