The maid of honor just puked.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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