I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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