after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
