I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
