if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
