my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
