Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
