He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
