I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just had sex bonerless
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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