My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
