Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
