She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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