So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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