he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
