Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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