I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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