I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
