A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
