my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
as a side note pls kill me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
