The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize