i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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