she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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