Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
