I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
