He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
