I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
