Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She even gives head with a lisp.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
