He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
