So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
