I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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