I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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