she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
