you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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