you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
