Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
