butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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