i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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