he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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