This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
