Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
