gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
