i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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