the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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