you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
