if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
