Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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