he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
birth control should be required to get into college
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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