and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
