My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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