new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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