when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
