Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
