you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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