There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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