I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize