4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
