I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
