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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My pussy is not your playground.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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