Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize