So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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