none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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