And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
