is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
